Rebecca - Doubts

I can’t get what Melanthe said out of my head. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault that I’m the way I am? Is it really true, how weird I am? Is that how they all see me, a pathetic freak? Maybe nobody does want me. I want to be alone, and yet I don’t want them not to want me. I want solitude to be my own choice, because it is what i prefer, not what is forced upon me. But sometimes I can’t deal with that, and i don’t understand why I even think that. I must be so stupid, to think that way. I worry that Lilyana will tell them, and they’ll hate me. I worry that Samantha will make me leave, make me go home. She doesn’t understand I can’t go home. Maybe Melanthe is right, maybe I am running from something. So what if I am? Aren’t we all? Don’t we all, at some point in our lives? The world is full of people running from secrets and pasts, running and running and running until they die. Running until they are blissfully gone, into the void and despair they were running from. Until they lose themselves, which is what I feel like right now. At least I have Dance tomorrow. That’s one good thing. A quote from wicked keeps running through my head, all day, all night so I couldn’t sleep, and had to dance instead. “Are People born wicked, or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?” Am I the way I am because of my parents, or am I the way I am just because of me? This is all just getting to much for me, I’m going to the Studio to dance, the only thing i can safely do anymore.