Samantha - Rebecca being weird part 2

Okay, so on with what happened yesterday. Usually; Lilyana, Melanthe and I  walk home together (unless we have better things to do), but yesterday I decided that I had to talk to Rebecca, which meant staying late. I knew that for whatever reason Rebecca might skip school, she'd never, ever miss ballet. She throws her soul into her dancing, so I knew that no matter what; she'd be there. So I did my homework in the library until six, which was when her class got out. I grabbed my backpack ad ran into the courtyard; hoping beyond ope that I hadn't missed her. But no, there she was,

Walking down the schools long driveway, her purple hat stark against the gloomy late afternoon. I could see the silver gleam of her ballet bag over her shoulder. 

" Hey! Rebecca!" I called, cupping my hand around my mouth. She didn't turn around. "Rebecca!" I shouted again, and I winced at how loud and annoying it sounded in the crisp fall air. Still she didn't turn around, or speed up, or give any indication that she'd heard me - which of course she must have. I sighed in exasperation, and began to run after her, short puffs of air exploding into the chilly afternoon, my footsteps pounding on the asphalt. 

Finally I caught up to her. I stepped in front of her, panting, blocking her path. 

" What the hell, Rebecca?" I said, grabbing her arm as she tried to get around me. She flinched, yanking her arm out of my grasp. 

 " What?" She said, her tone bored, as though she hadn't skipped school for no reason whatsoever.
" What do you mean, what? You know perfectly well what!" I said angrily, mentally groaning at how   parent-ish I sounded.

" I was sick, Samantha." She said, in a well-duh kind of voice, rolling her eyes. But she refused to meet my eyes, her large hazel orbs sliding down my face to focus on the ground. 

" Come on, Rebecca. Where were you today? The teachers were freaking out, like, totally."She shrugged.

"Yeah? So what. I'll just tell them I was sick, okay?"

" But you weren't. This isn't like you."

" Samantha  - " she started, then stopped. "Nevermind."

" You weren't sick. You were at dance, right? I challenged, knowing how weak an argument that was. That girl would probably go to her dance class if our house was on fire. Mercifully, she let that pas without comment, saying only:

" It doesn't matter, Samantha. Really." She turned as if to go.

" Come on, Rebecca." I said, exasperated. "What the hell is going on? 

" Do you ever feel restless, Samantha?"

"What?" I said, surprised. " Er....yeah, I guess."

" Like you can't stand to be here anymore, like an ache so deep inside of you that you can't go anything about it. And sometimes you can't control yourself anymore, and it's like you're falling, but you don't know where, or why. You don't know who you are anymore." Her voice was low, but her words sounded foreign to me.

" What are you talking about, Rebecca?" Maybe she was sick. Like, delirious, or something. "Do you feel ok?"

" Like you're being chased," she went on "but you don't know what's chasing you, and nobody else can see it but you, and even you can't sometimes. And its like you can't go on another moment, you have to run, or escape, but you know you can't.  You know you can't get rid of whatever it is that feels so wrong. And you know that you shouldn't feel this way; that it's wrong - that you're wrong, somehow. But you do."

" Are we still talking about why you weren't at school?" I asked, confused. "Because are so going to be in so much trouble if you don't have a legitimate excuse. " She sighed. 

" Listen, never mind, okay?"

"Huh?"

" I was sick, alright?"

"Rebecca, what..?"

" Today. i stayed home sick. Just....leave it at that."

" Rebecca, I don't-?"

" Drop it, okay, Samantha. I shouldn't have said anything, I just....." She stopped, and shrugged, scuffed her shoes on the rough pavement. " I thought maybe... it doesn't matter." 

"  Rebecca, wait!" I called, still confused. What was she talking about. But she was gone, her bright hat disappearing around the corner; and i knew he wouldn't be home for dinner. 

Samantha

Samantha - Rebecca being weird again part 1

Rebecca isn't at school today. And I don't mean she's sick, or something. She got up with the rest of us; skipped breakfast like she always does ( "Dancers are thin, Sammy.") and went out the door a half hour before we do, like usual. She likes to go in early to practice in the studio before classes start. Anyway, we have A block together; and she wasn't there. I wasn't worried or anything; because maybe she was talking with the principle about something; or got held up in the studio, or was asked to show some new kid around. (We all have to do that at some point.) But then after C block, Melanthe caught up to me in the hallway.

" Samantha!" She called. I turned around, and saw her running towards me; her long red hair twisted into a bun, her ams full of books.

"What?" I replied, shifting though my binder to make sure I had my D block (math) homework.

" Samantha, have you seen Rebecca?" She pulled on my arm, and I looked up. Her huge green eyes looked alarmed.

" What? No - she wasn't in A block."

" She wasn't in science either." Melanthe said, frowning. "Do you think she went home sick?"

" Maybe.... she seemed OK this morning, though."

" There's a cold going around. Maybe she has that."

" Yeah, maybe. That must be it......" I said, grinning. Melanthe didn't look to convinced, but she shrugged and headed off to her D block French class. (Which Rebecca should have been in to.)

But it was during Melanthe's D block French class that we realized that something was wrong. Of course, I didn't, because I wasn't there, but Melanthe told me over lunch.

" Samantha, you will never guess what happened during French!" Melanthe said, sliding into the seat next to me, and plopping down her lunch bag.

" What?" Andrea asked; swallowing a bite of turkey sandwich. " Are you sitting with us today?"
 Here I guess I should explain that the four of us don't usually sit together at lunch, with the occasional exception of me and Melanthe. I sit with my best friend Andrea, my friends Casey, Sophia and Dezzy, and another girl named Lucy, who is more Andrea's friend then mine, and plays basketball. Lilyana sits with Ani and another girl; a shy, pretty redhead named Delia. Melanthe divides her time between us, and a loud, popular table of girls that I don't really know very well. Rebecca goes to the library; I think, or the studio.

" Yeah. Yum, can I steal a chip, Drea?" Melanthe reached over the table and grabbed a Cape Cod Potato chip from Andrea, whom she insists on calling 'Drea.'

" Hey!" Andrea protested; swatting her hand away. " Eat you own food, you little theif!" She said, pulling her chip bag out of reach. Melanthe laughed, and took a bite of her apple, which she had taken out of her brightly striped lunch bag along with a piece of cold pizza and a bag of halloween oreos; which my mom had gotten as a special treat the other day.

" ANYWAY," I interrupted, "What happened, Mel?"

" The office called about Rebecca."

" Wait.....what?" My stomach dropped. " She's not, like...."

" What? Dead? Do you think we'd be sitting here if she was?"

" No." mumbled Andrea through a mouthful of goldfish.

" So what did they call about?"

" Oh, you know." Melanthe waved her hand in the air. " Hello Miss Reinstein; this is Dorry from the main office called to see if Rebecca Rubin is in class. That type of call."

" And she's not?" Sophia butted in. " You mean she skipped? Why?"

" No clue." I said dully, pushing at my sandwich.

" Wow, Rebecca?" Said Casey, shoving her dark blond hair out of her face. " She's in my Language Arts class. Never thought she'd skip."

" Neither did we, really." Melanthe said, grinning at Casey as though they shared a special, private joke. " Little Miss Perfect most of the time."

" Boy, will your mom be pissed." Andrea said, pushing a chip at me over the table. " Remember when you skipped that test, Mel? Her mom went nuts!"

" Wait; why would Samantha's mom go nuts if Melanthe skipped school?" Casey interjected.

" Mellie and Rebecca board with Samantha. You know; through that program the school offers." Andrea explained.

" Oh yeah. Jeez, Rebecca's in for it then. Daphne - you know Daphne Halti?" We shook our heads. Mostly, Lucy moved in different circles then we did. She was part of the (small) sports program; while we were all majoring in the arts; which was what the school was for; being a preforming arts school, and all. But there was a sports program, and there were students who moved exclusively in that area, like Lucy. Then there were students like Andrea; who did both sides. Andrea was here mostly for soccer, basketball and hockey, but she also did theatre; which was how we met.

" Daphne Halti? The tall blonde on upper school basketball team?" asked Andrea; referring to the team for 10th, 11th, and 12th graders.

" Yeah. She boards with Lindsey Masenari, right? And she skipped to go into the city with her boyfriend, and they got caught."

" And?"

" She almost had to go back home."

" You mean get kicked out of the program?"

"Yeah. They come down real hard on kids in the Boarding program. But she'd done it before."

" Rebecca hasn't."

" I know." Casey said.


Ok, I am officially freaked. Where the heck is Rebecca? She wasn't there when we got home today; and it's almost three now. What is going on? Is this like what happened this summer, when she never came home that day? What is up? I mean; she hasn't seemed that off in the last couple days. No more the usual. She's been in one of her mopey, sullen moods where she won't talk to anybody. She gets like that a lot, but we've stopped paying attention. It's just who she is. But now I'm a bit worried. Where is she?

Freaked out,

Samantha

Samantha - Good grief

I just wanted to say, Rebecca, in case you are reading this - we barely ever see you anymore! Are you avoiding us, or something? Why? You leave early for school, stay late, then go to dance until 10! By that time, we're all doing homework/asleep/ pretending to do homework. So......whats the big deal, Rebecca? Why are you hiding from us? What exactly has we done? It just annoys the heck out of me. We really need to talk.

Monday is Les Mis Day! The twenty-seventh anniversary of the musical that swept the world. Coincidence of coincidences; we have no school! Okay, fine, I do realize that the reason we have no school is because it's Columbus Day; but still. We should all dress up as characters from Les Mis on Monday! That would be so, so, cool.  I could be Eponine, Rebecca (What? Who?) could be Cosette..... It would be great! We are so doing that.

On the school side, I have a huge test coming up in History; all about the American revolution. Since I have been so Les Mis-oriented lately, I keep thinking about Enjolras during class, when we're talking about the patriots. When we watch clips, I can't get him out of my head! It's actually kind of funny. So let hope that I don't totally mess up the test by talking about Enjolras and Comberferre instead of John Adams and George Washington.

I think that I'm going to be a witch this year for Halloween! I can't wait. Lat year, I was Nancy from Oliver Twist, which was super fun, but because I'm getting old for Halloween and this will probably be my last year, I want to be something traditional. It'll be fun. Halloween is one of my favourite times of the year!

Got to go study, but I promise more posts this weekend. And pictures, if we ever find the camera.

Cheerio,

Samantha!

Samantha - Typical Drama.

Hi guys, Samantha here. I need to tell you what happened last night, it was just so strange. So, we were all in the living room (Minus Rebecca, of course.) when the phone rang. My mother went to pick it up, and after listening for a seconds, she called for Lilyana's mom. Aunty came down the stairs and took the cordless phone into the kitchen, where she is under the impression we can't hear her. Her conversation went something like this:

" Hi......oh. Ok. No, I don't rem - oh. Her, yes. The blonde? I can't remember. The kid? Yeah, sure. Like I could forget, right? Jesus Christ! Is she alright? Should I......are you sure? You will have to sometime, you know. She's fine. I don't think so. Will she be alright? Are you alright? Do you want me to..... ok, if you're sure. For how long? Why should I? I know about her. I don't care, really, I don't. I understand. Keep me posted.........what do you mean 'Am I seeing anybody'? What do YOU think! NO, I am not! How dare you say that - I never for a second! I care about her health - I would never hate a child for her mother! How could you think that of me! I NEVER SAID THAT! DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE! You KNOW I gave ou money for the hospit - I did NOT! You HEARTLESS thing!"

It was around that point that my mom made us go upstairs.

That conversation left me so confused. It sounded like Aunty was talking to my uncle (Ex-uncle?), she tends to use that tone with him. But what on earth were they talking about? Who is (it seems) sick, or hurt, that they were talking about? What child? What mother? I have no clue what they were yelling about. It is all so strange. I mean, she may not have been talking to him, but still...... What is going on? I am so confised here.

Samantha

Samantha - She's back.

Thank god, thank god, thank god. She came back last night. Just as if it had been what she'd said. No apologies, not a hint of anything to show that she realized that she was a day late. My mom got apoplectic, and threatened to ground her, but Rebecca said that she wasn't her mother, and couldn't control her. My mother said that was true, but she was responsible for her while she lived in our house, and would punish her as she saw fit. Rebecca said she didn't need to be punished. My mom said oh yes, she did, and she was sure her parents would say the same thing. Rebecca said that she didn't even know her parents, and she was sure they wouldn't give a damn, and anyway, she hadn't done anything wrong. My mom said that she'd talked to her dad. Rebecca said to stop lying. My mom said it was true. Rebecca screamed at her, and banged out of the room. Eeek. What a scene. My mother said that wasn't sure how she was going to live with this, and that she'd only taken Rebecca in as a boarder because she was a good person, and could look past somebody's problems, but if this was what she'd get in return, she'd send Rebecca back, and she didn't care exactly what she sent her back to, s long as she was somebody else's problem. She said a whole lot of other things to, but none of them were very nice. But gosh, I'm sure Rebecca deserved them. Even I don't yell at my mother like that. Rebecca is a pain. I wonder if it would be better if it was Rebecca who will leave instead of Samantha.

Speaking of moving, its taking ages. In books, its 'Oh, we're moving.' on Monday, and you're gone by next Saturday. Er...... so, so, not how it works. It's taking forever. Primarily because we haven't found a buyer for the house yet, and my dad says we should before we move. Well, if it takes any longer, I say to hell with a buyer! Much as I don't want to move, all this waiting is getting annoying. Can't we just DO something? I mean, sure, y parents have gone through all the stuff in the basement, and donated tons of old stuff, and stuff like that, but I wish we'd move already. This is some annoying, weird in-between limbo. That said, I do wish the four of us were not going to be split up! We'll miss Mellie so, so, much. Its like we're sisters, we've gotten so close. Well, except for Rebecca. But still. Much as i hate this limbo, I'd rather be in it forever then have Mellie leave. There must be a way to let her stay. There must be. mellie will be home soon, as will Lily, and when they are, we'll have a family meeting. And hope it won't be as chaotic as last time.

Samantha

Samantha - She's not back!!!! Help!!!!!!!

Am I going nuts? Did anybody else see her last post that said she'd be home Friday night? Because I did. And thats what it said! She said so! And she emailed me saying that she'd be home either Friday night, or Saturday morning! And guess what - its past Friday night, and it's so, so, so not Saturday morning anymore. And she's not back from camp yet. I can't believe it! Where is she? Its four in the afternoon, and she's not here! I have no idea what to do! My mom cheeked the bus schedules, and her bus had arrived here on time! So where is she? Where the hell is Rebecca? I'm freaking out over here. I have no clue what's going on. We called her cell, but nobody answers. We've texted her a bazillion times, and she hasn't answered. I'm so, so worried, and I have nobody to freak out with! Lilyana's coming home from Montana on Monday, and Melanthe should be back tomorrow. So I called Andrea, and she came over. Andrea doesn't know Rebecca to well, but  - who am I kidding? I don't either. Maybe if I knew her better, I'd be able to figure out where she'd gone. Because now, I have no clue. We called the camp, the dance studio - it would be so like her to go straight there and not tell anybody - and mom even called her parents in New York. Her dad answered. mom put him on speakerphone, so we could all hear. She asked him if he knew where she was.
"What, you lost her, or somthin?" He said. He laughed, a hiccup-y, strange, laugh. My mom explained the situation.  "Ah, giver her a'couple days. She'll come back." He said, and he didn't sound concerned at all. My mom asked him what he meant, and he didn't answer. Then she went on for five minuets about did he know where she was, was there anyplace she might go, did she ever do this before, did he think we needed to worry (no), should we cal the police, ect. When she finally came up for breath, we found he'd hung up. Well. No help there, I suppose. He didn't sound worried. Did that mean that we shouldn't worry, or that he's a moron? He sounded like a moron. What if he kidnapped her? I read that in most kidnapping cases, it was a parent or close relative! He didn't sound like somebody I'd trust. Actually, he sounded kinda drunk. Or something. Rebecca said once that she didn't get along with her dad. I can see why! But, again, I shouldn't judge. Maybe we caught him on a bad day. Thats what Lily would say. I'm not quite sure I agree with that, but, who knows? He sounded like this had happened before. Had she run away before? Is that even what this is? She could be kidnapped, or late, or dead. Oh God. I never thought about that. What if she's dead! Hit by a car, or shot by some madman, or dragged into a dark alley and raped. What if! That would be horrible. I couldn't stand that! Or what if she jumped off a bridge or something! Before, I would say no way, but now........What if? Lots of times, I've thought that maybe something......but I just put it down to Rebecca being Rebecca. But what if its not? Oh god, why am I thinking this way? Its ridiculous, its stupid, its dumb, but what if its true? What if? I could never forgive myself. Oh god, what if-

No. Stop. She's not dead. She's just late. Late. Nothing more. Breathe, Samantha. She's either late, or she's just Rebecca being Rebecca. Nothing weird about that, right? Rebecca can be strange. She can be unexpected. She can be annoying, and mean, and intolerable. She often does strange things. This is one of them. We are over-reacting. We are freaking out far to much. We are using the royal we for no apparent reason. I must be calm. She'll be home tonight. Mom says she might have meant Saturday night when she typed Friday night. Its possible. If she's not back, we'll call the police. Maybe she got lost. Or fell and hit her head. This is under control. She is not dead, or kidnapped, or jumped off a bridge. Everything is fine. Rebecca is fine. There is nothing to worry about.

Then why am I worrying??? I should call Lilyana. I hope everything turns out ok.

Samantha