Lilyana - Chaos and discord (again)

Hey guys, its Lilyana. I’ve been thinking about how much work needs to be done before the move! I mean, look at our room. We probably have a lot of stuff we don’t want any more, and a lot of stuff we could throw away, especially if our new room is smaller then this one. Samantha also really needs to sort through all her stuffed animals; she has far to many. It would also be nice to get rid of some old furniture (like our desk!) and get some new ones. But I’m not sure if that’s going to happen; furniture is expensive. What we’d really like is the roll top desk from American Girl, but (again) its kind of expensive. It would also be great to have a bookcase, because we have a lot of books. We could also put the mice on the bookcase, and our Our Generation dolls. Moving is definitely going to be a challenge, but I think it’ll be fun to organize our new room, and pack all our stuff, and everything. I like organization, and cleaning. Its really fun. Its nice to now everything has a place and can be put in that place, and when you do it will look nice.

Yesterday, we had a family meeting about the move. Samantha said it would be a good idea so we could “Get Our Priorities Straight”. Anyway, we all traipsed into the living room, and waited for Samantha to start speaking. I was curled up on the big green armchair, and had my chin in my hand, the rough velvet scratchy against my bare feet.

“Ok guys.” Samantha began. “I know we all have some….er…concerns about the move.”

“No kidding.” Snorted Melanthe. Samantha turned to her.

“Well, Mellie, I guess that’s true. And I guess we should talk about that problem first, OK?”

“Whatever.”

“Ok, Melanthe, Rebecca, I know its going to be hard having one of you leave, but there’s no point denying it. We’ve gotta decide.”

“I’m not leaving.” Intoned Rebecca flatly. Samantha turned to Melanthe, palms raised. Melanthe raised a ginger eyebrow at her.

“Yes, Samantha?”

“Now Melanthe-””

“If this is going to turn into another stupid conversation about all the merits of me LEAVING, then I’m out of here.”

“No, Mellie. Stay. I just thought if you found some really nice girls to board with, that would be ok, right? Remember, that girl Teresa who looked super nice?"

“NO, Samantha. Not right. I have just as much right here as anybody else does. And that includes Rebecca. I was here before her! Why, then, am I the one you all want gone.”

“Mellie, we don’t all want you gone, you know that.” I said.

“Yeah. Sure, Lilyana. As long as it suits you.”

“Whats that supposed to mean?”

“YOU aren’t in any danger of leaving. You can afford to be nice.”

“Melanthe, that’s crap.” Said Samantha. “Don’t turn on Lily because she’s NICE.” 

“I’m not leaving.” Rebecca repeated.

“Oh yeah, miss ‘I’m such an aloof dancer?’? Why is that, then? Answer me that, Rebecca.” Rebecca didn’t say anything, just crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window out onto the street, where we could see a dusky brown cat chasing a bird, leaping at it and batting it with outreached claws. “Exactly.” Melanthe snarled.

“Melanthe, calm down.”

“Yeah, Lily. Sure.”

“I just don’t see why Rebecca can’t-”

“Of course you don’t! You don’t see anything about me! You’re just a vapid, mindless Barbie doll obsessed with tanning and shopping!”

“Oh? I can’t see? You don’t care about anybody but yourself, Rebecca. You are so selfish, so wrapped up in yourself! You don’t care about me, what I feel, as long as you’re happy.”

“That’s not - ”

“Uh-huh. Like you always say, Rebecca. Well, it true. You’re just such a selfish, messed up freak.’

“I-”

“Oh yeah, deny it. Like you always do. You know what, I’d rather leave then be here with you.”

“Melanthe, please-”

“Stick up for her, Lilyana, go on. You know whats up with her, don’t you?”

“Just shut up, Melanthe! Just shut up! You are just so shallow, so stupid, so annoying! I don’t understand why you are being so mean. You have other options, I don’t. You can find another, better, place, with people that are more like you. Why can’t you just pack up your bags and go! Just go! We’d all be happier here without you. Nobody here like you!” She screamed, and I mean SCREAMED.

“Rebecca-” Samantha said, starting forward.

“Rebecca, please, you need to- ” I began.

“Rebecca, you are such a-” began Melanthe. Rebecca lunged forward, and shoved Melanthe into the bookcase. Melanthe screamed, and covered her head with her arms, ducking out of the way as a couple books tumbled off the shelf, her read hair flying. Rebecca stared at Samantha, her eyes wide and kind of strange. Then she ran from the room. We heard the front door slam.

Well. Just another strange, weird day in our house. That was yesterday. Today, I think all of us are still kind of shocked. Rebecca was, I think, out on the roof all night. I could hear the faint strains of her guitar in my dreams.

Lilyana

Lilyana - Our Room

Hey guys. I thought that since we're moving, you'd like to see pictures of our room as it is now.

Our room is kind of divided into two parts - Samantha's and mine, and Melanthe's and Rebecca's.

This is Samantha and I's bedroom area.YOu can see our desk, our bunk-bed - I'm top, she's bottom - our reading area, the vanity table  - Everything! How do you like it? Thats our cat Nessarose on top of the closet, and my dog Paris near the vanity table.

Thats Rebecca's and Melanthe's part of the room. (Taken from my top bunk!) Melanthe has the top bed, Rebecca is down below. The black chest of shelves is Rebecca's. Maybe you can see the pink roses in the upper corner. 

Thats Samantha's bed. You can tell she has WAY to many stuffed animals. She'll probably have to sort them before we move. Like I said, she's the only one of us to have an american girl doll. i wish I had one. I'd probably get Josefina or Cecile. 

Thats my bed. You can see my favorite 'I Love Horses!" sign. I got it when i was five. There's also a trophy I won last year, and the bracelet Samantha gave me for my birthday the year I was in the play 'Ballet Shoes.', which is also one of my favorite books. You can see it has a little pair of ballet shoes on it. I made my blanket myself, on my sewing machine. I really do love to sew.

Thats Melanthe's bed. She also has tons of stuffed animals! She got the seal at Ogunquit, where her family has a beach house. I've never been, but I'd like to. Mellie says we can all go down in August. Thats Melanthe's flute on the bed, under her AG magazine. 

Thats Rebecca's bed. Very dark and neat, with her stuffed toys. The bit of poster you see is of New York City.

Thats Rebecca and Melanthe's desk. Its very neat, with a pretty single rose. You can also see Rebecca's guitar, and her dance trunk. The purse above it is Melanthe's, not Rebecca's. I really love those shelves, don't you? They're built into the wall, so unfortunately we'll have to leave them when we move. The lobster and lighthouse are also Mellie's, again from Ogunquit.

Thats Samantha and I's desk. Its not as neat, or as pretty. Honestly, we need a new one. Those our the carrots we're growing, our attempt to Be Organic.

Thats our reading area. The gray dog is Samantha's; Smoky. You can see we have tons of pictures on the wall there, as well as tons of books. Thats Samantha's pink hat, she got it for her birthday from her friend Nellie, who lives in NYC. Thats the trophy Samantha won two years ago at the Little Miss Springtime Pageant. 

Thats the vanity table, and Samantha's shelves. You can see we have tons of jewelry! Its kind of a mess, I know. Thats my favourite game on Samantha's shelf; Apples To Apples. I think its really fun! i love choosing the card, and guessing who put it in. The trick is really to put what you think the OTHER person would choose, not what YOU would choose.

Those are our mice; Bellatrix, Dark Shadow, Sunrise, and Glitter. You can probably guess whose is whose just by the names. I'm in constant fear Nessarose will eat one of them!

Thats for looking at all these. Its going to be really sad to leave this room behind. Its also going to be really hard to pack. Hmm......Gotta go make a Packing Plan!

-Lilyana

Samantha - Sparklers

After the News; later that evening; Rebecca, Ani, Andrea and I went down to the park to set off some sparklers. We were all still processing the strange, crazy, events of earlier that day, but we had a lot of fun. Here's some pictures of us.

Thats the new yellow shirt Rebecca got; the one Melanthe got so mad over.

There's my BFF Andrea! The crazy, sporty, foodloving Andrea!

Hope you like the pictures!

-Samantha

Lilyana - Now They Know.....

First of all, Happy Forth everybody! Second of all, Today was a huge day for us. Yesterday we finally told our friends – Maddi, Andrea and Ani– that we were moving to Ellis Ave. Let me tell you what happened.

We arrived at the party around noonish, and standing on the blistering concrete we could already hear the study thrum of music. I didn’t know the song, it was something perky and auto–tuned that Melanthe would like. I glanced around at my friends. Samantha was wearing an American Girl Chicago tee-shirt and jean shorts. Melanthe wore a right red halter dress. I was wearing jeans and a white floaty top. Rebecca was the only one who had refused to wear patriotic colors – She said her new yellow graphic tee-shirt was fine, and that it wasn’t a law that you had to wear red, white, and blue on the forth of July.  Earlier yesterday, Melanthe got pretty mad about that, but i don’t think it matters. Unfortunately, Rebecca didn’t see it that way. She and Melanthe got into this huge fight about clothes. I mean, honestly. Finally, Melanthe got mad and stormed into the bathroom to cake make–up on her face. Sometimes, I wish Rebecca could see things like I do. Rebecca may come across as not very empathetic or compassionate, but I know she is, she just doesn’t show it. Sometimes, however, it does seem like she just makes no effort to understand how the other person is feeling. Didn’t she see that Melanthe didn’t really care about the clothes, she was upset with Rebecca because Rebecca was refusing to leave? Melanthe felt that the whole household was conspiring to kick her out, and blamed it on Rebecca, because she wanted her to go back to New York. Not to mention that Rebecca is not the easiest person to live with.  Wait – this blog post is supposed to be about yesterday, not an analysis of Rebecca and Melanthe’s relationship. Sorry. 

Anyway, we were hovering at the door when we saw Andrea bounding towards us, blond hair swinging wildly.

“Samantha, hey, over here!” she called, waving. Andrea is a very excitable person, and she hugged Samantha briefly while grinning at the rest of us.

“Hi Andrea. Where’s everybody else?”

“We snagged a picnic table out back. Lets get some of Lily’s pie and join them, come on!” Andrea headed off to the food table, Samantha and Melanthe following in her wake.

“Come on,” I said to Rebecca. “ or there won’t be any left. You know Andrea.” Rebecca barely cracked a smile at the mention of our friends large appetite, but followed me as we proceeded to get slices of Lemon, blueberry, and apple pie.

Once outside, Mellie and Samantha slid into the picnic table with Maddi and Andrea, while Rebecca sat down cross-legged under the oak tree that made out chosen spot so shady. I went over to the picnic table, and sat down next to my best friends Ani Akina. 

"Hi, Ani. How are you?"

"Hey Lilyana. What do you think of my hair?" Ani asked. Kanani (or Ani, as I called her) wasn't a girl who cared to much about her looks, but she had to pay a lot of attention to her hair. That was because its deep brown, and longer then her butt. Today, she had it french braided, and it looked really pretty.

"It looks fantastic. Who did it?"

"Maddi."

"Of course. What do you think of my pie?"

"Thanks, Kani. What type are you having?"

"Apple. Tastes really cinnamon - y."

"I'm glad you like it. Did you watch the horse race yesterday?"

It was when we were done with our pie that Samantha stood up.

"I have an announcement." She said, taking a deep breath. Everybody turned towards her. Maddi and Melanthe stopped giggling.

"I have an announcement." Samantha repeated. She looked really nervous. "I -"

"Are you getting another dog?" Andrea burst in. Samantha glared at her. "What, I only meant that you have, like, four dogs, so I only thought - "

"Can it, Andrea." Samantha growled. "Anyway, I have an announcement."

" You said."

"Shh. I have an announcement."

"SAMANTHA! TELL US!"

"OK, I want to tell you......."

"Tell us!"

"Andrea, be quiet. We're moving."

"WHAT!!!!" Andrea gasped, her eyes shooting from Samantha to Rebecca to Melanthe to me. 

"Moving? Why?" Ani turned to me, her eyes shocked. 

"We need more space." I answered. "You know, because my mom needs an office, and we don't have enough bedrooms."

"I can't believe it. Is it true?" Maddi turned to Melanthe. 

"Yes." Melanthe muttered. Maddi put an arm around her. Andrea opened her mouth again, but Samantha held up a hand.

"Wait. There's more."

"More?"

"The new house doesn't have a loft." She burst out. Everybody looked around, unsure of why this counted as something important. It was Ani, good old Ani, who grasped the seriousness of the situation. 

"But...there is enough space for all of you.....right?"

"No." sighed Samantha. 

"What!" gasped Andrea. 

"We don't have enough space in the bedroom for four of us, at least not according to the requirements on Traveling Stars."

"I.....What are you going to do?"

"One of us will have to go."Said Samantha, with an air of  a tragic heroine. Maddi sat bolt upright from where she'd been lying on the grass, trying to get a tan.

"What! Go? Who? Melanthe...."

"Yeas. Its true."

"But who's going to leave? How will you decide?"

"It won't be me." Said Rebecca from her corner, her first contribution to the conversation. 

"But that leaves....Mellie?"

"Yeah. Thats what THEY think, anyway."

"But you can't go! Thats insane!"

"I know...I just....Maddi, lets go." They stood up, the blond and the redhead, and started to leave. 

"Wait! Mellie, Maddi, come back!" called Ani, but they either couldn't or wouldn't hear. They disappeared back into the building, probably to join the party. Samantha looked at Andrea, and there were tears in her eyes.

"I'll miss not living next to you, Jules."

"Wait - where are you moving to?"

"Just across town, to Ellis Ave. But oh, Andrea! I'll miss living here. I've been here for four years, nothing will always be the same." 

Andrea held out her arms to Samantha, and she collapsed into them, sobbing.

"Oh Andrea! I'll miss my house!"

"So will I!"

"I know, you're over there al the time!"

"Its so sad! I won’t be living across from each other any more!”

“I know! Its horrible.”

I turned to Ani. Now I won’t live next door to you.” I said sadly. I would miss living near Ani. She had been my best friend ever since she moved here two years ago. I would miss her so much when we moved.

Lily

Samantha - Trying to forget

I’m sorry about Rebecca’s morbid and secretive post yesterday. I don’t know what gets into her sometimes, so I’m just trying to forget it. Actually, we’re all trying to forget it. Lily, Rebecca, and I made a promise that today we’d just try and forget about all the drama that’s been happening around here, and just have a normal Tuesday. Melanthe is still AWOL. We saw a red-faced, angry version of her stalk in last night to get her credit card. Probably going shopping with Maddi. She didn’t talk to anybody. But I promised not to talk – or blog – about that, so I’m not going to.

Rebecca and I had dance class today. Rebecca is in Super Advanced, I’m just in a regular class. I’m not really jealous of her, because i don’t really want to be a dancer, I just think if you’re going into theatre you need to be able to dance. That’s why I do it. I do Ballet, Tap, and Jazz along with Rebecca, who is in Super Advanced for all of them. She also does extra weekend classes, and practices all day. Naturally, she is really good. Anyway, class was fine, nothing to report there. After class Rebecca and I strolled down Robin St, to go to the dance store, because I needed new ballet shoes. It was really sunny today, a perfect beach day (maybe that’s where Mellie is). There were tons of tourists and college kids and just people in general on Robin st, shopping, ad loitering, and eating at cafes. I almost felt as though I was in the City again, minus the skyscrapers. I wanted to ask Rebecca if she felt the same way, but I didn’t because she sometimes gets annoyed when I talk about New York. Anyway, I got some fantastic new toe shoes, and had fun browsing those high-heeled tap shoes. How anyone can dance in those is beyond me! Rebecca says its easy once you learn, but that’s Rebecca for you. I, personally, would probably fall right off the stage. Speaking of Rebecca, she found a really pretty yellow tee shirt with a DANCE graphic on the front. She looks great in yellow, which is lucky, because that’s a hard color. I do, sometimes, but Mellie can’t wear yellow for the life of her. I also got new purple leg warmers, which in my opinion are so much more awesome then Rebecca’s classic pink ones. After the dance store, we went to Whole Foods to pick up lunch for us all, because we were planning to join Lily at the stables and have a picnic. That included Andrea and Kanani to, but not Maddi and Melanthe, of course. We got pizza, cherries, chips, salsa, and two chocolate cream pies. Then we biked over to Willow Run Stables, where Andrea was panting like a dog on the leash in when she saw all the food. I swear, she ate almost a whole pizza! Yet she’s really thin! How does she do it? Rebecca, of course, didn’t eat much, because as a dancer she “Needs To Keep Her Figure.”. I don’t get that, because doesn’t dancing burn tons of calories? But whatever, her choice. It was fun, not worrying about moving, just hanging out and eating pizza with my friends. The pie was good. It was a good day, and Rebecca seemed fairly cheerful. Fairly. Enough, anyway. She sat alone reading a book at lunch, but at least she didn’t go off at anybody. I’m not trying to be mean, but Rebecca can be weird. Well, we all can.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but it better not be a repeat of two nights ago. I’m worried, I really am. But there is nothing we can do. Whatever will happen – Will happen. 


S

Rebecca - Doubts

I can’t get what Melanthe said out of my head. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault that I’m the way I am? Is it really true, how weird I am? Is that how they all see me, a pathetic freak? Maybe nobody does want me. I want to be alone, and yet I don’t want them not to want me. I want solitude to be my own choice, because it is what i prefer, not what is forced upon me. But sometimes I can’t deal with that, and i don’t understand why I even think that. I must be so stupid, to think that way. I worry that Lilyana will tell them, and they’ll hate me. I worry that Samantha will make me leave, make me go home. She doesn’t understand I can’t go home. Maybe Melanthe is right, maybe I am running from something. So what if I am? Aren’t we all? Don’t we all, at some point in our lives? The world is full of people running from secrets and pasts, running and running and running until they die. Running until they are blissfully gone, into the void and despair they were running from. Until they lose themselves, which is what I feel like right now. At least I have Dance tomorrow. That’s one good thing. A quote from wicked keeps running through my head, all day, all night so I couldn’t sleep, and had to dance instead. “Are People born wicked, or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?” Am I the way I am because of my parents, or am I the way I am just because of me? This is all just getting to much for me, I’m going to the Studio to dance, the only thing i can safely do anymore.

Samantha - Fighting.....

I don’t know where to start! Yesterday was an utter madhouse once Melanthe came home. Everybody else elected me to write the post about it, because Melanthe is to angry and bias towards herself, Lilyana didn’t hear the whole thing, and Rebecca refuses. I don’t really know why. Honestly, I don’t know why anybody does anything anymore, especially Rebecca. But enough about that, I have a story too tell. Ok, here goes. I was reading an American Girl magazine on my bed, and Rebecca was practicing her guitar when Melanthe came home. Lilyana was downstairs helping her mother make dinner. Melanthe stormed into the bedroom, hands on hips.

“Alright, guys.” She snarled. “Out with it! Tell me about the move, Okay?” I put down the magazine.

“ Well, we’re moving.” I said, trying to stay as calm a I could. Rebecca was still quietly plunking at the guitar strings. “We’re moving to a house on Ellis Ave. Its really very nice.”

“Yes. AND?” I knew what she’d meant as soon as she’d said it, from the way she’d said it. Maybe if i hadn’t read her blog entry, I might have thought my mother or somebody else had told her we were moving, But I just knew she’d read the blog from the tone of her voice. But I had to answer.

“And…..Our bedroom is to small four all four of us. The house just isn’t right.”

“And HOW many bedrooms are there, Samantha?”

“Well……six.”

“There you go. You and Lily can share, Rebecca and I can, though god knows I would rather not. We’re the boarders here – It makes sense. There’s no reason for ANY of us to leave!”

“No, its not like that. One room is for my parents, one is for Lily’s mom, one is for Sara, one is for Melanie, one is for us, and the sixth we’re turning into Lily’s mothers office. You see, there is just no room, Mellie.”

“Well, why does Lily’s family have to stay with you, huh? Why can’t they go somewhere else? This is so stupid, Lily’s mom doesn’t need an office, anyway.”

“Yes - ”

“This is all Lily’s fault, her fault for her stupid, fricking family coming here and messing up all of our lives!”

Of course, that’s when Lily came in. She paused in the doorway, her blue eyes wide, taking in the scene. She gave me an stare, which said “Oh My God!”, and scuttled across the room to stand quietly next to her bed. Melanthe turned her back on Lily, and was then facing Rebecca.

“Well, what about her?” She said. Rebecca stood up.

“Well, what about me, Melanthe?”

“Why can’t she leave, huh? She’s not been here as long as I have, if anyone has to leave, its HER!”

“ I can’t - ”

“Oh, you can’t. That’s right, of course you can’t. Of course Its ME who has to leave. Nobody even asked me!”

“Melanthe,” I said. “You said you were thinking about it, we looked at all those people at the Travelling Stars website!”

“I didn’t realize you were serious! And why didn’t you do that with Rebecca, huh? Why did you just assume it was ME that had to leave?”

“I did look with Rebecca, we sent a few emails-”

“And did SHE get any responses?”

“Well no, but you got loads, so it makes sense-”

“What? That I get to leave? And why didn’t Rebecca get any responses? Tell me that, Samantha!”

“Sometimes it takes a while - ”

“Yeah, sure. “Takes a while.” Don’t kid with me Samantha, this is EMAIL! NOT snail – mail. Its INSTANT! It doesn’t 'Take A While'!”

“ I tried, Mel.”

“Yeah, whatever Rebecca. Tell me this, OK? What is so WRONG with you that nobody will take you, huh? Are you really that weird that NOONE WILL REPLY? What was on your form, Rebecca? What was it that makes nobody want you as a boarder? Are you that much of a freak, Rebecca? It must be something really bad that nobody even replied. Tell me Rebecca, come on, OK? Why don’t you, huh? Out with it, or is it really just your overall freakiness? Dear GOD, you must be really MESSED UP THAT NOBODY even WANTS you! And why can’t you go back home, Rebecca? Why don’t they want you at home, either? Even your own FAMILY doesn’t want you anymore. God, why should WE even have to LIVE with you? We don’t even know whats WRONG WITH YOU! YOU COULD BE A SICOPATH, REBECCA! Get out, Rebecca. Nobody wants you here, you’re sick, OK? Just get out, you freak, you freak, you freak, you - ”

“SHUT UP!”

But it wasn’t Rebecca who ran across the room and slapped Melanthe in the face. It was Lilyana.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Lilyana knows, doesn’t she? Lilyana knows your dirty little secret. Doesn’t she? She knows what you’re running from.”

Rebecca stood there, dumbfounded, then went over and sat on the bed, with her back to us. Lilyana went over and sat next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. Melanthe stormed out of the room, and we heard the bang of the screen door.

 Well, that was yesterday. Melanthe slept over at Maddi's, and she’s not back yet. Rebecca is still ‘sulking’. Lilyana is at the stables, she probably won’t be back for a while. I guess I’ll start finding an outfit for the party. It seems eerily calm here after yesterday. Like a lull before a storm. Strangely calm. I wish Rebecca would start playing her guitar, at least it would make some noise.


S

Lilyana - So Sorry

I’m so sorry about what happened in the last post. I guess Melanthe really flew off the handle. I can see what she’s so angry, and I do understand. I knew we should have told her. But its too late now, we just need to deal with it, whatever happens. She’s not home now, she must have read all that and typed that post at the theatre, where she is now, practicing the flute. I don’t know what will happen when she gets home, but I know it won’t be good. I don’t know how we got ourselves into this mess. I knew we shold have told her, but its to late now, I guess.

MELANTHE - SO FREAKING UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE DID NOT TELL ME! HOW COULD THAT IDIOT KEEP THAT FROM ME? HOW COULD THEY ALL EXPECT ME TO BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL AND GO ALONG WITH IT????? HOW??? WHO DO THEY THINK I AM? I DON’T WANT THIS ANY MORE THEN THEY DO!!! AND WITH SAMANTHA, I DON’T REALLY WANT TO GO! I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FOOLING AROUND ON THE COMPUTER! I NEVER THOUGHT SHE WAS SERIOUSE! IF I’D KNOW….. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL LIKE THEY’VE BETRAYED ME. I THOUGHT I KNEW THEM, YET NOW I RWALIZE THEY’VE BEEN HIDING THIS HUGE SCRET FROM ME, NOT TO MENTION WJATEVER REBECCA IS BITCHING ABOUT. I don’t even know if i WANT TO LIVE HERE ANY MORE!!!!!!!

Samantha - Getting Ready

Sorry nobody posted yesterday, Its been pretty hectic around here. We’re all planning for the big party on the forth, and its gonna be so fun! Lilyana is baking blueberry and apple pies, and Rebecca will make two lemon ones, because she’s good at that. We’re going to have soda, and hot dogs, and chips to. We’ve also decided to all dress up in red, white, and blue, and then have a fashion contest. I’m already thinking about what I’ll wear. Maybe my AG shirt, or the red dress, with my blue shoes, and streak my hair…..Well. You get the picture. When it gets dark, we’ll have fireworks! I just can’t wait, I really love a good party!

Yesterday, Lilyana dragged us to the store to help her get baking supplies, and we filled up a huge cart. I can’t believe how much flower you need, we got bags and bags! Of course, Lily refuses to use a ready-made crust, she’s to much of a country girl for that. She says its cheating. Of course, we put up with it become she makes the best pie. Not to be state-ist, or anything, but country people make better pie. Then we went with Mellie and Maddi to get decorations. We got red, white, and blue balloons, streamers, and confetti. I love confetti, its so fun.

Lily says that she feels like we’re all keeping this huge secret from Mellie. I disagree. It was being kept from Rebecca to, but she found out. And anyway, all Melanthe needs to do is read the blog, and she’ll know to. Secretly, I wish that will happen, because I can’t face telling her. Also, from reading the last two posts, i get this feeling that Rebecca is not telling me something. Does anyone else get that feeling? Cuz I sure do.

In confusion,
Samantha

Lilyana - Thoughts About The Move

Rebecca found out today, and I think she took it fairly well, considering. She’s been very calm, but I worry that something else is going on, behind the calmness. Rebecca is like that sometimes. I don’t know how I feel about this. I like my room and our house, but I know it would be better for everyone if we moved. We do need the space, and i know Mom really wants her own office so she can have privacy while she works. Melanie also needs her own room. She’s almost ten, and should really have her own space. I guess I do really feel okay about this move. I would be great about it, except that it means one of us must leave. I can’t feel good about that. To break us up is awful. But maybe Mellie would have a better time with girls more like her. I don’t think any of us understand her very well. Sometimes I think I do, but then she does or says something that makes me stop and reconsider. Rebecca….Well, I partly agree with her. She can’t go home, and I don’t know if she’d be welcome anywhere else, because of…what she told me last week. I hope she admits it to the others soon, because she’ll face a lot of trouble if they find out from somewhere else. But besides that, I really feel guilty that I don’t care more about this. Because I really don’t. Maybe if I were leaving I would feel different, but I’m not, and there’s no chance I ever will. Gosh, and I’m supposed to be the emotional one!

Samantha had a talk with Rebecca today, and she agreed to send in a few applications – just to see. She got annoyed, but agreed “JUST to see, Samantha. You know I’m not going.” I’m really worried about what will happen. Wish us luck. 

Rebecca - I just found out.....

I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. I can’t believe she thought I would think about leaving. I just…..well, this is so strange. I had no idea that this was going on, I mean, i should have guessed from what Melanthe and Samantha were talking about on the computer yesterday, but I didn’t. I’m so stupid not to have, I really am. Haven’t I told myself a million times to be on the lookout? At least I know Samantha didn’t want me to leave, that was a relief. When I skimmed her post, all i caught was “will have to leave”, “Rebecca” “the hardest to live with” “ Never see her again” and “Anger”. I thought I was back in NY for a second, and I felt like i was going to faint. Then I thought that maybe she’d talked to someone from NYSA, and she was throwing me out because she’d found out about me. I thought she stopped liking me, and I couldn’t bear for that to happen, but then I read the whole thing. I understand now, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I can’t go, I can’t go back to NY, and i don’t know what else I could do. It must be Mellie who leaves. She has other options, while I do not. She’ll be fine.

I still feel like its my fault though, something I've done, something she thinks about me. It has to be my fault, because who else's would it be? I know in the end I'll be the one to go, to leave, because who in their right mind would choose me over beautiful Melanthe? Nobody. I know she'll make me go, I know she hates me now, for whatever reason. She's leaving me, abandoning me under the false pretenses of moving. She's betraying me, betraying us, and it makes me sad. But she can't make me go. She can't.

But I see why Samantha is upset about leaving. It is a beautiful house, and while I can’t say that I’m very attached to it – (I try not to get attached to anything, anymore) – I can see how somebody who’d lived there for four years might be. Butt she’s moved before, she’ll get over it. Like she said in her last post – She likes change. Oh, and Samantha? I do NOT sulk. 

Samantha - Making Decisions

Nobody knows about the move but Lily and I, and I plan to keep it that way. Mellie never reads the blog unless its her turn to post, (Sometimes I get the feeling this isn’t very important to her at all) and Rebecca is in one of her sulks again, so she won’t read it either. I tried today to drop hints about leaving to Rebecca and Mel. You can probably guess that Rebecca was uninterested. But I had great luck with Mellie! She said that she’s been thinking of other girls to room with, because she wants to find a group that’s more like her. Boy–crazy  and party–lovers, I guess. People like her, who want to get on “the scene” and fool for hours with their hair, trying to attract boys. The funny thing is, though, Melanthe is gay, yet she’s always talking about attracting boys, and crushing on boys. She told me once that she talks like that so people won’t laugh at her. I feel bad for her when she says stuff like that. It seems like she’s always acting when she’s with girls like that, so I guess they aren’t really “girls like her” at all. I never thought of that, but i guess we all act most of the time. To ourselves, yo each other. Maybe what she really wants is a change. I’m kind of bummed that she’d even consider leaving. I guess I just assumed they all felt the way I did. But hey, whatever. If it makes this any easier. We had fun, looking through the Traveling Stars website, checking out girls with available space. Mellie wasn’t really taking it seriously though, which doesn’t mean anything, she’s always like that. Maybe she’ll find another great place to live, wouldn’t that be fun for her? I’ve always thought that she was a bit different then us in that she was more pinky-y and girly and wanted a boyfriend – or girlfriend -  and loved to party. Reckless too, I guess. The type that would nick a stop sign from the side of the road and hang it in her bedroom, the type who isn’t afraid to sass adults and get away with stuff. She’d love to room with girls like her. None of us are like that. Well, I am a little. She loves change and travel, and I thought I did to, but look at me now. Well, I still love travelling, and I guess that all change is hard to take in, its only been a couple days since they told me. I’ll encourage Mel about that, and talk to Rebecca. I do have time, we’re not leaving for a couple weeks. I’m planning to tell them on the first, and we can tell our friends at the party on the Forth of July. By then, we might have everything settled.