Rebecca - Pageant and dancing

I'm really glad I did this pageant, I guess. It was nice to win. I love how it feels when everybody is clapping for me. It makes me feel as though I belong, like I'm 'Part Of It All' like that song says. It's a wonderful feeling. I wasn't nervous at all. I don't really get nervous a lot. Years of performance can do that to you. I'm glad I choose Learn To Be Lonely as my guitar piece, it is such a touching song. I feel that if there was one song to describe my life; that would be it. It is so pretty and so fitting. I feel such a connection to it, an when I play it onstage, it feels very magical. Like I'm up on air, and there is nothing but me and the music, all unhappy thoughts and bad things go away. Thats what I want to convey to the audience in my song. Thats the part of me I want them to see on stage.

I was fairly surprised when they called my name as the winner. It was like this feeling of elation ran through my body. As they hung the medal around my neck, I thought ; This is it. This is the big moment.  I felt so happy, so high. It was wonderful. It's like I've been up on air for the past two days, flying and flying. I can do anything, be anyone.

What I want to do is dance. When I dance, the pain and sadness I often feel just lifts away and withers in the air, and I feel free. Free and unencumbered and alive, like my soul is bare o the world and every feeling is perfect and raw. It is the most wonderful thing ever when I dance. Last night, while Samantha  and Lilyana got their stuff ready for school on the tenth, I went up to the roof and danced. The night air was cool and fresh against my skin, tingling as if it was alive. Like the night was alive, breathing in the warm days and expelling them as perfection. I stood on the edge of the roof, my toes griping the sides. I felt like I could fly. Dancing on the roof, I felt free. Free, and perfect, and astonishing.

Rebecca - Bunheads recap and review (Last one. ): )

Hi guys, Rebecca here with the last Bunheads recap and review - at least until this winter. First of all, I can't believe that the show is over already! I'm not sure I'll be able to adjust to not seeing it every tuesday. (We don't have cable, so I have to watch it online.) Its such a huge part of my week. I must say, the show has really grown on me. Like Samantha said, I'm not a TV person at all, and only started watching it because Sutton Foster was on it. Now, its one of my favorite things ever. Sasha is, of course, my favourite character because I can relate to her a lot, but I also like Melanie. I really hate Boo, though. She annoys me a LOT.

Bunheads, episode 10. In which tension is high, the Ringer is being super-creepy, Michelle is interfering in everybody's business, romance is running havoc, chaos is fast impeding, and Sutton Foster gets to sing. 



The show starts with Michelle and Fanny walking in the garden, en route to the studio, where Fanny is about to see the evil rat -mice - dance that Michelle choreographed for the Nutcracker. In the studio, a fantastic Evil Rat Dance awaits, complete with Sasha, who is standing in for Clara, Sasha clearly having decided to return to ballet following the conversation with Michelle at the end of the last episode. Madame Fanny applauds the dance, and silently agrees to let Sasha back as Clara, a choice in which we all approve. But as we are all thanking our lucky stars the Fanny has a Clara at last, in walks - or dances - the talented, nameless, ballet machine otherwise known as "The Ringer'" whose services as Clara Fanny has employed in Sasha's absence. The trouble is, now that Sasha is back, they no longer need the Ringer. Common sense would tell anybody to just go up to the Ringer and ask her to leave, but clearly Fanny is hesitant about that. And I can see why; the Ringer kinda freaks me out to. Although I'm sure that I can dance better then she can. And I'm much prettier then her. Anyway, when she realizes that somebody needs to break the news to the Ringer, Michelle hightails it upstairs, accidentally stumbling into what seems to be the front line of a battle zone, where the Bunheads are maintaining a stoney silence. Curious, michelle asks whats going on, finally getting a straight answer from Sasha, who is bored to death of the whole thing. It turns out that the problem is, of course, boys, more specifically, Charlie. Who Ginny likes, but Melanie doesn't want her to date, even though Boo now likes Carl. And Sasha? She wishes they were all lesbians. But Sasha, then they'd all be fighting about girls, not boys, and it wouldn't really be that different. Michelle manages to set up a deal between the Bunheads that allows Ginny to date Charlie as long as she never talks about him with Melanie, and everybody sops making fun of the Hobbit. Otherwise known as Carl. Sasha, curious as to the robot dancing nonstop, heads downstairs to confront Fanny. Fanny happily delegates the task of kicking out the Ringer to Sasha, who tries to make it clear who's Clara. Th Ringer, unfortunately, is not going to go quietly. Or at all, really. She pokes fun at Sasha for cheerleading - Did Sasha really have to tell her that? - and announces that she will be Clara.

At the Oyster bar, the fundraiser which Michelle put together is going quite smoothly, and everybody is in costume and looking quite insane. Especially Ginny and Melanie, who are trying to be 'nice' to Carl. Carl, rightly, is freaked out. Enter Charlie, who Melanie is not pleased to see, but who takes Ginny away for a 'change of scenery.' Michelle, pleased with the success of the evening, wanders over to Fanny and Michael, and does some serious compliment-fishing. After getting teased by Michael, michelle goes and gives some advice to Boo, who is mooning over Carl. Honestly, I think Carl  - although he can't dance well - deserves somebody way, way better then Boo, who is really annoying, and who was horrible to him in the last episode. Taking Michelle's advice a bit farther then Michelle intended, Boo publicly apologizes to Carl, begging for forgiveness, and completely humiliating herself - well, somebody has to. Carl, in a moment of idiocy, forgives her, and they dance together.  However, things aren't looking so good on Fanny's end. Michael has just announced his plans to build a house in Montana. Plans which have nothing to do with her, breaking her fantasy of the two of them together in a cosy cabin. Fanny tells Michelle that he doesn't know about her plans yet, prompting Michelle to ask her why she doesn't tell him. Fanny thinks that is a bad, bad, idea.

Melanie, fed up with Charlie's idiot friend, announces that she's leaving; which prompts Ginny to really mess up her first kiss with Charlie. Well, not really a kiss, because she whacks him in the mouth with her head, at which Charlie gets rightly annoyed. Michelle, once again trying to help, (But messing things up hugely) goes over to Michael, and tells him all of Fanny's plans, and how disappointed she is that his plans doesn't include her. Michael, who is not taking the news well, leaves to 'Make A Call.' Who knows if he's ever coming back. Wow, nice going, Michelle. Sasha, on the other hand, is having more luck tonight in the romance department. While hiding from the Ringer - who is stalking her, just waiting for some tragic accident so that she can play Clara - behind a dirty-dish carrier, she meets Tyler. She and Tyler - a basketball player who works at the Oyster Bar - talk, and we sense romance in the air, before Tyler pushes the cart back in front of her, and leaves us hoping for more.  Meanwhile, Michelle is kissing Godot, who is ready to cut to the chase before leaving for Australia. He is way to young for her. WE WANT CONOR BACK!


Back at the Studio, Fanny is in a very bad mood because Michael has left, (No surprise there) and is tormenting a couple of dancers, while the Ringer torments Sasha. Ginny is unloading the Charlie-situation on Matisse, who is getting annoyed. Finally, she interrupts Ginny in the middle of her 'Prom Night Sex Plan' to tell her that she is only twelves, and therefor the whole conversation is inappropriate. (And probably really dumb.) Ginny, however, is shut up on her own when she sees Charlie drive up with another girl. We always knew Charlie was a dolt, but thats just crazy.


Backstage at the Nutcracker, chaos reigns supreme, and the air conditioning is broken. Michelle fixes Fanny's eyelashes, diving into her infamous Zombie Apocalypse Vegas Slut Bag to do so, rifling through tampons, chocolate, makeup, a toilet, the empire state building, Idina Menzel, and a bottle of Mace. Meanwhile, Ginny and Melanie are starting another cold war over Charlie, eve though he is no longer part of the picture, and the Ringer is being very annoying. The dance starts, and due to the broken air conditioner, everyone is hot and sweating. Michelle, trying to liven things up, pulls out a bottle from her ZAVSB, and.......MACES THE ENTIRE CAST! Yup, thats right, and everybody is going nuts, not least of all Michelle, who has also maced herself. ?????? The Ringer, who has typically escaped the lethal chemicals, steals Sasha's hair-bow and steps over her on the way to the stage, while everybody else is bumping into each other in crazy game of Marco Polo. Unfortunately, the show cannot be saved, and everybody heads to the ER.

At the Paradise Hospital, Michelle is trying to take attendance with limited vision, and ends up yelling at a cardboard cutout of a nurse, which is really funny. On the girls end of things, Ginny and Melanie are making up, and Sasha has run into Mr. Huge Coincident. Otherwise known as the basketball player Tyler, who has an alter-ego named Roman, which seems to impress Sasha as much as it does us. While all that boy-drama is going on, Michelle innocently tells Fanny that she basically ruined her relationship with Darling Michael. Fanny, naturally, is furious, and screams that Michelle is has ruined her whole life, and causes trouble everywhere. We can't help but agree with that, because Michelle does have a habit of absolutely messing things up everywhere.

We return to Michelle's well-worn audition dream, but this time, its different. Michelle does an amazing rendition of Maybe This Time, and does a wonderful dance that we had to watch twice to absorb the insane level of awesomeness! But when she looks to the back of the theatre, the guy in the director chair isn't a director.....Its Hubble! Darling Hubble, who is now dead. (Another thing Fanny blames Michelle for.) Hubble reassures Michelle, telling her that he wanted her to shake up the town like she shook up him. She says that she was trying to help the girls; she didn't want them to end up like her. Then we get a glimpse of Michelle, who has broken Fanny's four green frogs. Hubble mentions that Fanny always wanted a girl, and then he leaves, as Michelle questions whether she would have stayed.

Back at the Hospital, Michelle wakes up to hear the parents clamoring for her blood. Upset, she turns to leave, but not before the Bunheads pay their respects. Started by Sasha (Yay Sasha!!!!!!) they all climb on their chairs to re-enact a scene from the Dead Poets Society. Michelle is touched, but reminds them that the man leaves anyway. And leaves, prehapes forever.


So now, we wait. For episode two to pull us out of our misery.


Rebecca

Rebecca - Bunheads recap and review

This weeks bunheads starts with Michelle in a coffee shop, in a very long line, and in need of caffeine. The coffee place; Bash, is run by Sebastian, an award-winning barista who is said to have beat the French and Italians. (Which is where he was for the past eight episodes - off brewing coffee in Europe.) Michelle, fed up with waiting, strikes up a conversation with the woman behind her, who brings her up to date on Sebastian while trying to read. Michelle, still annoyed with the wait, and desperately needing to exercise her vocal cords, trys to talk to the boy behind her, but he's got trig, and so he's got a pretty damn good reason to hold her off. Oh, well. Finally, Michelle pulls out a magazine from her bag, and makes a startling discovery. An old friend of hers in choreographing an upcoming production of Follies; which prompts her to babble some more to the innocent victims. I mean customers. Michelle is by this point at the front of the line, and begins to order, letting us assume that the battle of coffee is all clear from here. But its Michelle we're talking about, so no such luck. Clearly, Sebastian is wholeheartedly against letting the customer pick the coffee, and although he guess's Michelle's order right off the bat, proclaims it 'the devils brew.' Michelle just nods along with it. Then realizes why the line is out the door. He handpicks the coffee beans. Like, one by one. no, we are not kidding.

Back at the studio, Fanny is impersonating a physco prison warden with a tendency for the bloodthirsty, and is killing all the dancers while trying to find the right Clara for the Nutcracker, and woe to anybody who dares to sit down. I don't know how she's planning to find a Clara this way, and if she does, I'm betting there won't be much in the way of a supporting cast. Michelle, who wanders in looking for her lost phone,  is appalled at this - although I myself have encountered many similar situations in dance classes past - and is forced by Fanny to demonstrate a jete. Which she unwillingly does, although it is not one of her best, so Fanny tells her off. After Fanny magically produces her phone, Michelle reveals that she's thinking about calling her old choreographer friend. Fanny express's disbelief that Michelle is still looking for work, and Michelle says she and Richard made a pact that they'd help the other one out once they made it. Michelle calls him, and leaves some messages. While leaving, she finds Melanie and Ginny hiding in a bush, an attempt to not be considered for Clara. Michelle chats with them, then skedaddles after making a funny Diary Of Anne Frank joke. Their getaway car - Charlie (He's back! Hurray! Bust out the chocolate!) arrives, and Ginny is a bit guilty that the latest 'drug bust' was really spices planted by Melanie in his room. Wow, what a great sister, huh? We then see Ginny being inexplicably weird around Charlie, because she remembers that he likes her, and has no idea how to act. Neither would I, but only because Charlie - however cute - is a complete loon.

At the Oyster Bar, the girls - Plus Boo, who's on break - are waiting for Sasha, who they clearly miss. Enter Sasha, very bouncy and giggly, and loving cheerleading. She goes on and on about how much time she has on her hands, and how nice her 'secret sister' is, and how fun cheerleading is! Yay!! Then she giggle-texts off to get a 'surprise' from her secret sister. Well, that could go one of two ways, and I'm not sure Boo will like the second.

Michelle is back at the coffee place, because clearly a coffee house is a place of great trauma and stress, and is vying to be the protagonist in this television show. Duh. Going after her ringing phone, she manages to knock over a cup of coffee! Oh, the horror, the horror, the horror. Really, she should be executed. Then she manages to knock over his trophy, and we are all surprised the he doesn't kill her with a coffee bean. Or foam. Then, we find out that the oh-so-important phone call wasn't Richard calling her back - clearly, he's ignoring her - but Fanny, asking her to open the studio for Carl and Boo, who need to rehearse. Well, whoop-de-do.

At the studio, she find out that the coffee episode was all for naught, because Truly has been called to open it instead. With scented candles. And flowers. And Michelle had every right to kick her out, because she is seriously weird. But still awesome. Michelle, bored and un-caffeinated, offered to stay to help them rehearse the dance for the supermarket opening - which will also sell coffee. (And stamps.) Time for Michelle to sell her soul, then. Carl is lukewarm about getting her advice, but Boo is oddly reluctant. Boo then takes Michelle outside, and tells him that she likes Carl. And wants to be alone with him. (Carl, however, is breaking personality and being an idiot. for the sake of the show, right, Carl?) Thankfully, Michelle gets it, and leaves a happy Boo and an annoyed Carl.

Back at the studio, Fanny is bitching to Michelle about the quality of her dancers. Personally, I think she should try Melanie. Michelle, however, is not listening, and is instead waving around photos of her and Richard, who is still not calling her. And, oh yeah, owes her for the rental house. After Fanny complains a bit more, Michelle is actually reasonable and suggests talking to Sasha. Then Fanny proceeds to act like a sulky, annoyed kid, although really she is the adult in this situation. Anyhow, Fanny says Sasha must apologize to her, which we all know will never happen. Michelle calls Richard again, and is about to hang up when she goes cuckoo because she hears him in the background. Yes of course its him! Which confirms that yes, he's ignoring her. At which point Fanny crosses the line as she attempts to audition a boy for Clara, and precedes to jump him into an early grave.

Back at the coffee store, there is inexplicably no line. Michele is thrilled.......for a while, until she realizes Sebastian has not forgiven her. You know, for knocking over the coffee and the trophy. Get a grip, dude. And oh yeah, it's so not insulting that he calls on of his dads mom, right? She's prepared to wait for coffee though - but not if he's going to read the manual first. Because really, who reads the manual? So out she goes.

Later, Michelle is teaching a tap class. (Ah, when we get to see Sutton Foster dance, it is a rare episode.) As the class winds down, dancers start arriving, looking like a bunch of hospital patients. Thankfully, Michelle preforms a mass miracle, and crutches and casts are discarded when they learn that Michelle is taking Fanny's class today. In comes Truly with Carl and Boo's costumes. Oh, are they for the supermarket opening? Yes? Pity, it's closing. What? Yup! Why? We don't like them, thats why, and we want to create even more obstacles for Michelle to get coffee. Both Boo and Michelle are very annoyed, Boo because of no-more-Carl, Michelle because of no-more-coffee.

Later, the girls go to watch Sasha cheering. Which Sasha is SO not thrilled about. Funny, it seems like she does NOT want them there. Carl, however, is also there with another girl, and Charlie appears and sends Ginny into a catatonic impression of a board, who does not eat or go to the bathroom. Sure, like the rest of us. Sasha starts to cheer, the inexplicably stars coughing. Maybe she swallowed a bug, or was poisoned. Or doesn't want her friends to see her cheer, perhaps. A suspicion that is inflated when she goes full-feminism rant on the rest of the team about how cheerleading cause problems in men. Which is true, and of course Sasha is right, but that isn't why she did that, is it now? Of course not. Back in the stands, Ginny is still being weird. She kind of rolls down the bleachers to escape Charlie, and interrogates an annoyed/confused Sasha about cheerleading. Boo stops by to say hi to Carl, who says that he's quitting dance. Ouch. Because we really need less guy dancers here. And he is clearly not interested in Boo anymore, so bug off, Boo.

Michelle, campaigning for coff- we mean change and supermarkets, is tricking people to come to a council meeting at the dance studio to rethink the grocery store. And meets up with.......GODOT! Who has not drowned, been kidnapped by a surf board, or run off to some beach somewhere. No, he is here and......flirting with Michelle? What?

At Melanie's, she and Ginny are setting up for a sleepover. With cookie dough, cookies, and cheese. Wow, don't tell Fanny. Enter Charlie, exit Ginny's sanity. Finally, Melanie gets to the bottom of Ginny's weird behavior, and is shocked. She yells at Ginny that she can NEVER like Charlie unless Boo gives the okay, or becomes a lesbian or a nun, and even then, its a bad idea. Ginny tries to make excuses, but Melanie is unstoppable, and tells her that THIS STOPS NOW. Then we all get grossed out because Ginny borrowed her mothers honeymoon lingerie. Eek.

At the town meeting, about ten people are waiting for various parties, being tricked by Michelle to show up. But, come on, did Ginny really believe they'd get to skype with Hugh Jackman? Anyway, Michelle proceeds to insult everybody in the room, and generally loose her case. not that she had much to go on, because they were misusing children and poisoning ducks, or something. Then, Boo sneaks off to meet Carl, and explains. Clearly, he does like her still, because they kiss. And so, naturally, her friends come in. And seeing Boo with Carl causes Ginny to 'thoughtfuly' exclaim: "Great! I get Charlie!" To which Boo is appropriately shocked, and joins the argument, saying she's still interested in Charlie.
Carl: Hey, I'm standing right here?
Boo: CHARLIE! I still love him, you can't date him!
Carl: I'm out of here.leaves
Boo: Oh, shit. Manages to ruin things again. I hate Boo. I always have. 
After the council meeting - failure - Godot is being very patient and listing to Michelle ramble on and on. And, oh yeah, flirting with her again. Good grief. Whatever happened to the director? We liked him. Godot wants to take her surfing, to which Michelle jokes about his pick-up lines. Oh boy. Not going where I'd like it to.

Later, Michelle goes to talk to Sasha at cheerleading. She starts by making fun of the cheerleaders - to which they are heavily entitled - and how they can't kick. How true that is. Michelle asks Sasha to go back to dancing, but Sasha says that it isn't that simple, she's dealing with crap Michelle couldn't understand. (Oh yeah, Sasha. Real shithole you're in, compared to some of us, right? Becouse you really have so much to complain about.) Michelle says that she understands - her home life sucked to - but that you have to deal with it, because life isn't fair, and she'll be gone soon anyway. Michelle tells her that quitting ballet now when you're young is a stupid mistake, and could take away opportunities. (Like you did, Michelle?) Then they make fun of some more cheerleaders, who deserve it.

Enter a coffee machine. Easy solution. Clearly, Godot has some brain cells.


I cannot wait till the season finale! We are SO having a Bunheads party.

Rebecca

PS - Didn't Sasha have a blue hair streak, or did we just imagine it?

Rebecca - Rehearsals are going great! (And bunheads rambling - beware!)

Hey guys, its Rebecca; here with her update from the chaotic clutches of dance camp. As you all know, we put on our show for the parents tomorrow, after a scant four days of working around the clock. And after all our hard work, I sincerely hope our show will be great. That is, if Evan ever stops stumbling. Evan plays one of the male leads, and I'm not quite sure why he got cast. Because he sucks. Big-time. He can't even do a simple pirouette without tripping over his feet. I mean, god. I can think of about four other boys at camp who could do twice as good as he does, and are cuter to boot! But other then that, its going great, and i think we're ready for tomorrow. I, of course, am doing perfectly. But I never expected to have any trouble with this dance. But its fun, it really is. I love being in a production, no matter what it is. I love how together it makes us all feel, like we're a team striving towards something. You really feel like you're part of it all. Part of something important, something big and special. Accepted.  When you're dancing in a show, you feel like you're united with everybody around you, banded together, even if you're not friends with any of them, even if you're like me. I just love that feeling. The feeling of belonging. There's not many places where I belong, not even at dance classes, not hoe, not anywhere. But you forget that when you're dancing in a show. You feel like you belong, and nothing else matters.

Lilyana, I get the feeling your dad is hiding something from you. Believe me, I know about these things. And you have a right to know...whatever it is. It probably concerns you, mark my words. And you never told me about Caroline. I'm sorry. That must have been horrible for your parents. Maybe that's why they stopped getting along. Idiotic shrinks and stupid therapists say kids never drive a marriage apart. But believe me, they're wrong. Not that I mean you, Lily. What happened to your sister. That can cause huge problems.

Anybody see the latest episode of Bunheads? It was so, so, good. I thought. I loved the Les Mis speech Michelle does! So funny! But, Michelle? It's Enjolras everybody thinks is gay, not Marius. Why Marius? Idiot scriptwriter. What was he thinking?????  I felt bad for Sasha, and I'm not sure Michelle handled that situation very well. Not that I blame her; because it's not the role Michelle is used to playing, or the one she wants to play. And she had to do something, Sasha can't just act like that. But I feel bad for her, still. I understand how family problems can make you act the way she does, and I understand how much dancing means to her, as a release for that. I emphasize with her a lot, in general. I'm scared for her too, because I don't think Michelle - or anyone - really understands what she's going through, and may be making the situation worse. Wait. I think that Sasha's problems may make Michelle reveal a bit more about herself. Deb? Sounds like the absent parents Sasha's got. So, maybe Michelle does understand, more then anybody, and maybe she'll be the one to see when things are going horribly wrong. Because I think Michelle may go pretty far in the next couple of episodes.  I wonder if she really will go to the summer dance academy without telling her parents. That will make quite the episode. I can't wait! And is it me, or does something about the whole spa/credit card thing smell reallllllllllly fishy? On another note - they need to do more wth Melanie. People are calling her the 'dull bunhead.' I like her. She's pretty, and she can dance. She so needs a plotline. And I think Josh should fall in love with Charlie, while Charlie likes Jenny and Boo likes Charlie! There's a plotline! Oh, and what ever happened to cute surfer dude? And Bill-not-bill? We need male characters! Enough rambling about Bunheads, though. So, eagerly awaiting the next episode!

So I probably won't post tomorrow. I'll be busy. But I'll be home by midnight tomorrow, and post Saterday.

Wish me luck!
Rebecca

Rebecca - I got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got it! I got the part in the ballet!  I knew I. I just knew it. I mean, who else could have? I'm the best dancer there! I'm so excited. Oh yeah, and i was right. Amatya was cast as the little girl. Not that anybody expected her not to.

We had the first rehearsal today, in place of normal morning classes. It was kinda chaotic. Honestly, some people are so unprofessional. Its like, God. Has anybody ever heard of actually following directions. I guess not. We can't get through a single step without Natalie yelling at some immature group of girls for talking. I mean, honestly, this is ballet, people, not a talk-all-you-want marathon. I think Jamie and Natalie should kick out the people who talk to much, but I guess if they did there'd only be like, five cast members. So the very, very, few of us with sense have to suffer through the rest of the cast being total morons. After only four hours of rehearsal, I seriously feel like taking an axe to some of those girls (Katie, Mariah, Mia, ect.) Ester Coleman-style. Just kidding, but barely. But besides all that, its kind of fun. I can't wait until tomorrow, when we'll have a huge rehearsal. We're pretty much going to be rehearsing 24/7, because we only have until Friday to get this right. It's not a very long ballet, because Jamie wrote it especially for this, but its hard. It needs time, and dedication. Which I'll happily provide, though I know many won't.

I might not get a chance to post for the rest of the week, because Ill be so busy. But if I do....stay tuned!

On her way to a class, (And probably late)

Rebecca

Rebecca - La danse des morts

At the end of camp, we always do a huge performance for all the parents and stuff. Well, not my parents, but everybody else's. This year, we're doing an original ballet written by two of our instructors, Jamie and Natalie. Its called La danse des morts, which is french for the 'The dance of the dead.' French is the official language of ballet, and also what Jamie is, as well as morbid, clearly. Despite the cryptic title, the bits I've seen from him and Natalie look amazing. Natalie is this tiny little woman, and she looks super ethereal and graceful when she dances. In the dance, there are two male leads, one female lead, and one lead for a very little ghost girl. I think everybody knows who will be the little girl - Amatya Duvsky. She's half Russian, half something else I'm not quite sure of, and even though she's only nine, is probably more talented then half the school put together. She's the one i can honestly say is going to be as talented as i am, if she's not already. I'm not being vain, or bratty, or anything, but I'm one of the most talented at the school. Which is why I know I'll get the female lead. I mean, who else could? I know I'm young, but talent is what counts! I'm so thrilled! We auditioned today, and of course mine went well. Perfect, actually. We'll get the parts tomorrow, so I'm super nervous. Not really, though, because I know I'll get it. I wonder who the male leads will be.

Rebecca

PS - Only five more days of camp! (W leave on Friday, which is when the performance is!)

Rebecca - Update from dance camp

Hey guys. Camp has been going pretty well. I talked to the director, Mr. Rowen, and he said I can move up into a more advanced class if i want to, and if I pass this test. So I took the test, and it was pretty easy. So now I'm in class with high schoolers, which is kinda awesome, because I'm the youngest by at least four years. The class I'm in now is the most advanced, so I'm not sure i'll be coming back here next year. It's not the best camp anyway. Next year, there's a camp in New York that i used to go to that I'd like to try again. I kinda wanted to go this year, because as I said I'd gone for most of my life back when I lived in the city, and it was a pretty good camp. But  I was hesitant to return to my old home. Past scars heal slowly, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to revisit that camp, even though I'd loved it so much. I knew that most of the girls at the NYDC would know me. Know who I was. They'd hate me, they always had. I didn't think that year away would change that. The girls at Jessamine only know what I tell them, which is nothing. I like it better that way. They don't know me, I don't care about them. But it would have been different at NYDC. It's not like I'm scared to go back to the city...I just think it would be better not to stir that up. Its a big city, though, so there's only a small chance I'd see somebody i know, like, on the streets or in a store. But I'm kind of unlucky, so a small chance would be all it takes for me. But anyway, I'm probably not going back to Jessamine next year.

On to other things. Camp has been going pretty well. Aside from the fact that the people here are a bunch of nitwits, I'm actually having fun. Its been so great to do so much dancing. For once in my life, I've been feeling pretty normal. Better then normal, actually. Being able to dance as much as I want - between classes and extra practice - always lifts me up, no matter what else is happening. I feel kind of buzzy when I finish dancing, like I'm finally full enough to fit into my body. Finally real enough to feel.  When its just me in a practice room, concentrating on getting a step right, its like everything else just melt away, even myself, and its just the motion and perfection. I wish I could stay at camp longer, forever even, if this is the way I'm feeling here. At least when school starts, I'll have more classes, and less time to think. Maybe I'll get some of his back then. But until then, goodbye, amigas. I'm off to a class!

Rebecca

Rebecca - Running into the Sky

Its Rebecca here. Well, who else would it be? Things are getting really busy here in camp. Which is good, of course. I like having things busy, because it gives you less times to think.

 Classes are fairly easy, to be honest, I was hoping that they'd be much more challenging. Maybe I should have been in a more advanced class. Maybe I'll talk to them about that, because I really think the group I'm in is far to easy, and its already with girls at least two years older then me. You know, maybe its time i dropped this camp. I know its fun and all, but I don't think that its teaching me very much. There are tons of other more advanced dance camps. There are ones around here, and then others I'd have to travel far to get to. I wouldn't mind, though. I love traveling. Some are very expensive, but I'd probably be able to get a scholarship of some sort. A partial one, or a full one, which seems more likely because, not to brag, I am a very talented dancer.

Yesterday I went down to the beach for a while in the late afternoon after class was done. A lot of the other girls go out to eat after class, but they never invite me along. Oh well, its not like I would have gone anyway. Firstly, I have to watch my weight - and they really should do the same. You need to be thin to be a dancer, and have the right body and all. A lot of girls don't, so they end up quitting. I feel bad for them, I guess, but it seems fair. We can't all be dancers, the world needs more then that. You need to work to get - and keep - a proper dancers body. Eat right, exercise, no drugs or drinking. A lot of the girls who are naturally thin think that because they're so thin, they can eat what they want. Um....no. They will not always look like that. I guarantee you that in thirty-something years they will be the supremely fat middle school mothers waiting in the car, yelling at their kids, and not cleaning their houses. And I? I'll be a hugely successful dance teacher after a long and bright career as a solo ballerina. Or maybe I'll still be a fantastic ballerina. Who says I can't dance well at age forty? Anyway, I wouldn't want to go with them anyway. Its never any fun, and nobody talks to me anyway.

So I meandered down to the beach. It was kind of stormy, but that was OK. I walked far up the beach, and it felt like i was walking into fog and mist, like a portal to another world. The tide was going out, so the sky was reflected in the wet sand that was covered in a smooth sheen of water. If you ran very fast along the ocean, it felt like you where running into the sky.

Rebecca

Rebecca - Leaving for camp

Rebecca here. Today I left for Jessamine, Maine, where I go every summer to dance camp for a week. Its about four or five hours away, so I always leave pretty early, because the first class is in the afternoon. Today I got up around five-thirty, and finished packing. I packed some clothes, a book, and my stuffed kitten, Dream. Then I made sure I had my dance bag packed and ready, because its more important then all my clothes. Then I got my guitar, because I can't go anywhere without it. Playing my guitar helps calm me when I'm upset, or comfort me when I'm sad. Its like dancing, but with music, and easier to do in odd places. You can't dance well in a little enclosed space, but you can play guitar. 

Then I said goodbye to Samantha, who was on her way to the beach with Andrea. She wrapped me in an impromptu hug, which really threw me off guard. I don't really like physical contact, especially if its unexpected. 

 The bus ride was pretty long, but also very fun. I love looking out the window and dreaming about the people I see, wondering where they're going and why; who they are and what they do. I feel different when I'm traveling somewhere, more....myself, if that makes sense. I don't know. How do i really know what 'myself' is anyway? How, when nothing is stable, do you maintain a single conciseness anyway? I guess I mean I feel real, not fake, like I'm not pretending. Being on a bus o train or car is like being in-between what I feel and where I'm going. I love to travel because it makes me feel real. Its kind of like the feeling I get when i dance, or get lost in music. Leaving everything behind, and shedding a mask, in a place where nobody knows you. I'd do anything to get that feeling again, because it stops the restlessness and uncertainty. Nobody else seems to feel this way. Am I really the only one who feels so trapped?

It felt so good to be back at Jessamine Dance Academy (JDA). I hadn't been there in so long, but it still looked exactly the same. I would stay here always if I could. I got a room on the forth floor, overlooking the beach. Its so beautiful, like a painting instead of a window. The rooms are pretty nice, very neat, which is good. I like things to be neat and calm in my room, whatever is going on everywhere else. 

The first thing i did was unpack my clothes, putting them all away neatly in the closet. Then i made sure that my dance stuff was clean and all there. It was still an hour to class, so i sat down and finished the Nellie book Samantha lent me. It was OK. I'm not the biggest fan of the american girl books. I find them boring, but I guess each to his own. 

The class was really, really, great. We didn't waste to much time on introductions and silly nice-to-meet-you games. Thats one of the things I like best about JDA. They're really serious. The class was pretty easy, but its only the first day. I had fun, though. I saw some girls I recognized from last year, but none of them talked to me. I've made it clear that I don't want any interaction with them. 

Tomorrow we have more classes, which I'm really excited about. Then I might go down to the beach in the evening. It's one of my favourite places, because it's a private beach, so there aren't any stupid tourists.  

Finally feeling like herself,

Rebecca

Rebecca - The Idiocy Of Samantha

I don't know why Samantha has to be so suspicious of me. Its like she suspects me of - What? I don't know. Unless she could know about - No. Impossible. Lilyana would never tell her, and Lilyana doesn't know the whole of it anyway. So I'm just being stupid, as usual. Is it such a crime to go away for a couple days? Of course not, Samantha. Chill.

I'm going to Jessamine, Maine, for a week to attend a week long intensive dance camp. I do it every summer. We have classes all morning, and most of the afternoon, and then we can go down to the beach and have fun in the gardens and forests for the rest of the day. Or we can go into down, and do stuff there. The teachers are fantastic, and the classes are  super challenging. The town is also very pretty, and the beach is nice. We stay in little dorm rooms, and the building is right on the water. We can have a roommate, but I always request a single room, for many reasons. I'm not a very social person, to begin with.

So thats that. Nothing strange, nothing weird, nothing suspicious. God, Samantha. Don't be so stupid.

Rebecca

Rebecca - Ballet Class

Hey everyone. (I'm not talking about what happened a couple days ago, OK?) Things have been pretty calm around here lately. I've had the house to myself for a while. Its kind of strange to think that in a couple of weeks we'll be gone. I wonder who'll move in after us. Maybe it would stay empty for a while. That would be kind of interesting, I guess. Anyway, Mellie's been over at Robyn's a lot, shopping and doing whatever they do together, I don't know exactly what. She's barely home anymore, which is fine with me. She and Samantha looked more seriously at the Traveling Stars website, and Melanthe sent in a couple of forms. Not that they told me this themselves. Lilyana did. Recently, Lilyana's been making lists like crazy - To Do, To Throw Away, To Give Away, To Sort, to Pack- You get the idea. Its like living with a human graphic organizer.  I keep finding these litle sticky notes on my pillow. Some of them go something like this:

Rebecca – To Do #3

1.    Clean out closet (All trash take downstairs)

2.   Clean under your bed.

3.Sort out your clothing from ours-throw away stuff that you don’t want.

4.   Clean your half of the desk – Not Mellie’s!

5.   Start taking down posters and magnets

6.   Make a packing plan

7.    Are the bed-sheets yours or ours? See me!

8.    Retrieve your stuff from all over the house

And I don't even live here, technically! You should see the mountains of paper Samantha has! Its totally nuts. Not that Lilyana hasn't been doing anything herself. She's been in super-organization mode all day. But, on the bright side, we'll be really organized. Big whoop.

Samantha and I had ballet class today. I swear, being in the studio is the only place i can be myself, and not worry about hiding anything or pretending to be someone I'm not. Its so comforting, being in there alone. I talked to Madame Rosa a couple of weeks ago, and she said that I can go practice in there on weekday nights if I wanted - and if the secretary was there. So  I stayed later after Samantha left, and I just got home a little while ago. Its just so calm to be by myself, dancing whatever I wanted while the shadows close in, and the image of yourself in the mirror becomes cloudy. Its almost as good as being on the roof.

Speaking of Ballet, has anyone seen the newest Bunheads episode? I think it was fantastic! I'm not a big TV person, but I really love that show. Sutton Foster as Michelle was great. She is an amazing actress, and makes the show very comedic. I wonder if anything else will happen with the guy up the private road....I sense a romantic plotline soon. I felt bad that Boo didn't get in, but I didn't expect her to. It wouldn't have been realistic. Dance is a hard world. I'm finding myself liking Sasha more and more as the series moves on. The part with her alone in the studio in the last episode really touched with me. She reminds me of me at times  - but I really hope i'm more driven then her, becouse good as she is, she doesn't seem to care to much. But she's a good character, she really is. Her bitchiness and snark is what makes me like her so much, she seems like a solid with dimensions and a prospect. If they play this right, they could have a fantastic plotline moving along with Sasha, she has so much character potential. And I adore the actress who plays her! She is absolutely perfect for that role, I swear she has Sasha dow to the point that I think the actress knows more about her then the scriptwriters. I wish they'd do more with Melanie, though. She's a good dancer, and really pretty, but she has nothing in the story. They need to give her some action, and get her a story. I can't wait until next week! Oh yeah - And i love Sutton's clothes in this! And i'm glad they let her sing, finally. We were all waiting. But I'm guessing there's more to her dreams then what meets the eye.........

Rebecca

Samantha - Trying to forget

I’m sorry about Rebecca’s morbid and secretive post yesterday. I don’t know what gets into her sometimes, so I’m just trying to forget it. Actually, we’re all trying to forget it. Lily, Rebecca, and I made a promise that today we’d just try and forget about all the drama that’s been happening around here, and just have a normal Tuesday. Melanthe is still AWOL. We saw a red-faced, angry version of her stalk in last night to get her credit card. Probably going shopping with Maddi. She didn’t talk to anybody. But I promised not to talk – or blog – about that, so I’m not going to.

Rebecca and I had dance class today. Rebecca is in Super Advanced, I’m just in a regular class. I’m not really jealous of her, because i don’t really want to be a dancer, I just think if you’re going into theatre you need to be able to dance. That’s why I do it. I do Ballet, Tap, and Jazz along with Rebecca, who is in Super Advanced for all of them. She also does extra weekend classes, and practices all day. Naturally, she is really good. Anyway, class was fine, nothing to report there. After class Rebecca and I strolled down Robin St, to go to the dance store, because I needed new ballet shoes. It was really sunny today, a perfect beach day (maybe that’s where Mellie is). There were tons of tourists and college kids and just people in general on Robin st, shopping, ad loitering, and eating at cafes. I almost felt as though I was in the City again, minus the skyscrapers. I wanted to ask Rebecca if she felt the same way, but I didn’t because she sometimes gets annoyed when I talk about New York. Anyway, I got some fantastic new toe shoes, and had fun browsing those high-heeled tap shoes. How anyone can dance in those is beyond me! Rebecca says its easy once you learn, but that’s Rebecca for you. I, personally, would probably fall right off the stage. Speaking of Rebecca, she found a really pretty yellow tee shirt with a DANCE graphic on the front. She looks great in yellow, which is lucky, because that’s a hard color. I do, sometimes, but Mellie can’t wear yellow for the life of her. I also got new purple leg warmers, which in my opinion are so much more awesome then Rebecca’s classic pink ones. After the dance store, we went to Whole Foods to pick up lunch for us all, because we were planning to join Lily at the stables and have a picnic. That included Andrea and Kanani to, but not Maddi and Melanthe, of course. We got pizza, cherries, chips, salsa, and two chocolate cream pies. Then we biked over to Willow Run Stables, where Andrea was panting like a dog on the leash in when she saw all the food. I swear, she ate almost a whole pizza! Yet she’s really thin! How does she do it? Rebecca, of course, didn’t eat much, because as a dancer she “Needs To Keep Her Figure.”. I don’t get that, because doesn’t dancing burn tons of calories? But whatever, her choice. It was fun, not worrying about moving, just hanging out and eating pizza with my friends. The pie was good. It was a good day, and Rebecca seemed fairly cheerful. Fairly. Enough, anyway. She sat alone reading a book at lunch, but at least she didn’t go off at anybody. I’m not trying to be mean, but Rebecca can be weird. Well, we all can.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but it better not be a repeat of two nights ago. I’m worried, I really am. But there is nothing we can do. Whatever will happen – Will happen. 


S

Rebecca - Dance

Samantha said I should do a post about what my dancing means to me. I don’t understand. To me, dancing is what can’t be said with words. Dancing is when every thing is simple, but nothing makes sense. I can’t explain it in words, it is beyond words, and yet to simple for them to describe. I don’t want to talk about myself, either. I’m not a big person for talking about myself. I just don’t think it matters. You really have to be dedicated to be a dancer, willing to commit days and lifetimes. But if its truly in you heart, that doesn’t matter. I’ve always known I wanted to be a dancer, and i don’t care if  I have to work for it. I don’t really have anything else to say.